In Which I Return To Virtue

Because I have decided to lose 9 pounds by our Florida vacation in May, I am back to being virtuous even though there are donuts from my son's class party and these little chocolate covered toffee things my daughter likes and a 5 gallon drum of crack-laced Goldfish and so on.

Trader Joe's is my primary source of groceries. I went grocery shopping on Saturday and obtained an enormous amount of delicious and reasonably priced foodstuffs. When I was a kid I had these fantasies where I'd grow up and eat Easy Cheese directly from the container for dinner and follow it up with a half-gallon of ice cream and, I don't know, gin. Just because I could, I guess. But the fact is that while I enjoyed that in college for a brief stint, in general I feel so good when I eat well. I feel happy and healthy and in control and the fleeting deliciousness of half a bag of Doritos never comes close to the high of the impressed look on my husband's face when I demand that he poke me in the obliques. (That sounds naughty, doesn't it?)

For breakfast today I had a Dannon Light and Fit cherry vanilla yogurt into which I stirred 1 sliced banana and 1/4 cup of Trader Joe's Organic Morning Lite cereal. I had a glass of V8 and a glass of water with this. I always like to eat my meals on actual china, sitting at the table, reading a book or listening to music. I love food and even with two small children, I try and take the time to enjoy my meals. So my yogurt gets dumped into a bowl and I set everything on a place mat. I like taking time for myself. Anyway, breakfast was:

293 calories
1 gram of fat
9 grams of protein.

Went to the gym and did 30 minutes of weights, 10 minutes on the Stairmaster at 72 steps per minute, and 30 minutes on the elliptical at a burn rate of 800 calories per hour. Took some time in the sauna, then had a Pure Protein chocolate peanut butter bar. I had about 50 ounces of water during and after my workout. The protein bar contained:

190 calories
6 grams of fat
20 grams of protein.

Lunch was a magnificent salad, made entirely of ingredients from my beloved TJ's. 2 cups organic heirloom lettuce, 1/4 cup shredded organic pea shoots, three breaded chicken tenderloins (in the frozen section), 1/2 red pepper, 7 stalks blanched asparagus, 1/2 of an avocado, 1/4 serving Crunchy Curls, and 1 serving Parmesan ranch dressing. Is it not beautiful?




395 calories

15.5 grams of fat
23.65 grams of protein



I feel amazing and focused and back on track It's wonderful. When I treat myself well in this way I feel clean inside. I'm not sure how else to describe it.

In Which I Will Have The Sexy Walk But No Pants

So I go to the gym for two hours a day about 4-5 days a week. I've been going to my current gym for about 18 months now, and because I am a committed People Watcher and also egocentric, I have given many of the regulars little pet names, as though they are there performing impromptu theater for my express entertainment. There's Greyhound Woman, an elegant lady so unbelievably long and lithe that she has got to be a genetic mutant of some kind. There's GI Jane, a woman I'm pretty sure could knock me unconscious with one blow from her mighty fist. Others include Hot FBI Agent, The Chick Who Thinks I Look Like Annabeth Gish, The Ringer, Bosu Girl, The Bride, Clint Eastwood, and Kerchief Guy. There's also a man I have privately dubbed The Mystic. He is an elderly Indian gentleman with a shorn head and a nearly skeletal physique. I usually encounter him in the hot tub, where I take a post-workout soak and he engages in a mysterious 10 minute routine of head dunking and 90-degree turns. Today he spoke to me for the first time, and told me that I should learn to swim. And that I need to take yoga. He also advised belly dancing, an activity he greatly enjoys. He assured me that three months of belly dancing would tone my thighs and give me "the sexy walk." We chatted for a bit about belly dancing - which he and his concave stomach demonstrated - and then I had to excuse myself for a shower before fetching my kids from the child care room.

After my shower I pulled my clothes from my duffel bag and realized I had no pants. Or cell phone. So I wrapped myself in the towel and went back to the pool area to interrupt the lifeguard mid-conversation with a friend to see if I could use the phone. He asked if everything was okay. I glanced around surreptitiously and then, refusing to be cowed by a teenaged boy in swim trunks, I straightened my bare shoulders and loftily informed him that I had forgotten my pants. He stared at me for a moment while his buddy snickered a little. Then he loaned me his phone. I called my husband and, after he stopped laughing, he said he'd be right over.

Perhaps if I take belly dancing for three months, I will be happy to walk around pantsless.